


The Dildo Protocol

by SalParadiseLost



Series: The Wayne Family Emergency Manual [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: And some Angst Later, Batfamily, Brotherly Bonding, Brothers, Crack Treated Seriously, Dick is more than willing to provide, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Brother Jason Todd, He's coming back to the family, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd-centric, Protective Dick Grayson, Protective Jason Todd, Resurrected Jason Todd, Sibling Bonding, Sorry guys, canon adjacent, he's trying, no beta we die like robins, theres always some angst in my fluff, this concept is extremely ridiculous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalParadiseLost/pseuds/SalParadiseLost
Summary: He read the Wayne Family Emergency Manual. All 157 pages of it.And he still didn't see the reason that his family (it still felt strange to include himself in it) had to have it.After all, why would they need a protocol for what to do if they are suddenly being impersonated by bad guys... That's ridiculous, right...Right?aka the one where Dick gets to shout about dildos from the rooftops and Jason finally gets to use the power of the glittery family manual.**can be read as a stand alone**
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & His Last Shred of Sanity, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Series: The Wayne Family Emergency Manual [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094495
Comments: 42
Kudos: 451





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the Dildo Protocol and thanks for stopping by! This is the main fic in the Wayne Family Emergency Protocol Series and the one I intended to write in the first place. It can be read alone, the first fic in the series just outlines Jason's reaction to getting the manual.
> 
> This is canon adjacent, which means I don't pay too much attention to it and I get to pick the parts of it I like.

Chapter 1

Jason stumbled into his apartment with a grunt and a flash of pain in his ribs. They might be broken, they might not be, and Jason’s stubbornness was firmly believing it was the latter. 

All in all, it had been a quieter night in Gotham. The big players didn’t seem to have any major plans in motion, which meant Jason had devoted himself to snuffing out low level organised crime. 

He had been tracking a developing gang for the last three days now. They were weak, but they had potential. Potential which Jason nipped right in the bud, thank you very much. 

Towards the beginning of the evening, things had gone perfectly. He had taken down the goons, severed their pending “business transactions” and even went after the boss. Things would have been perfect if one of the guy’s bodyguards hadn’t managed a lucky strike to his ribs. 

A lucky strike that Jason had a sneaky suspicion he would be feeling for the next couple of weeks. 

He probably should have called Dick in to help. Jason hadn’t been at his best when he’d gone in and was running off of 72-hour all-nighter, which is probably why the goon had managed a punch in the first place. He was still hesitant to reach out though. He didn’t know his bounds, and even though Tim had slapped the “Wayne Family Emergency Manual” in his hands, it didn’t mean he was automatically coming over for family dinners. 

After all, he had only just established a fragile peace with the family again and was tentatively including himself in their fold. Nightwing would have undoubtedly jumped at the chance to join him on a case, even if it was something that was usually below their pay grade. But Jason was cautious. Too cautious to ask for help and cautious about the potential of breaking what little stability he had left. 

He wasn’t even sure this family thing was going to stick and Dick would have taken his call for a team-up as some kind of symbol of brotherly bonding. Dick was relentless like that, and Jason... he wasn’t ready for it yet. 

He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready. 

He sighed, putting a hand to his side and feeling the area. Underneath his skin, his bones protested even the small prodding. That definitely wasn’t right. 

For a moment, he considered calling Alfred. The butler would be furious if he found out Jason was hiding broken ribs from him and give him one of those still polite, but definitely disappointed looks. It sent a shiver down his spine just thinking about it. 

No, what Jason needed was a bottle of vodka, pain pills, and a 10-hour sleep preferably in that order. 

But the first two on the list involved fumbling through his kitchen to figure out where the things were, and his bed was so welcoming and so immediately there. He could sleep off the pain, and just get the pills and the alcohol in the morning. 

Mind made up, Jason went through the open bedroom door. Upon seeing his bed so close, his exhaustion seemed to increase tenfold and he could feel it tugging on his bones like physical weights. He managed to stay upright enough to strip off his sweaty uniform and change into clean sleep clothes. 

He probably should have taken a shower but fuck it. He was tired and there wasn’t anyone here to complain about how much he stunk. 

“Wow, you’re really out of it aren’t you?”

All the warning alarms in Jason’s head blared, and, for an instant, the exhaustion left only to be replaced by pure adrenaline. He stuck fast and he struck hard, lashing out to the shadowy figure in the corner before he could recognise the voice. 

Dick cursed and twisted himself in a way that should have been humanly impossible to avoid Jason’s attack. 

“It’s just me,” he yelped, raising a hand to block Jason’s second swing.

And that’s when the recognition finally caught up with his instincts and he felt the fight bleed out of his body. “Oh.”

Dick huffed, also relaxing when he saw Jason wasn’t going to strike again. “All I get is an ‘oh’?”

Jason rolled his eyes and collapsed on the bed again. 

“Yeah, next time if you want a welcome party, you’re going to have to do more than lurk in my corners.” Jason was aware that his speech was slurring and wasn’t sure how understandable his words were. 

He felt the bed shift as Dick climbed on it. Internally he groaned and wished that his older brother would just let him sleep. Luck wasn’t on his side though, because Dick didn’t disappear and instead, he began prodding Jason. 

“Jay, are you hurt? Drugged?” Dick’s voice had a tinge of worry. It was enough to make Jason flip over and meet his brother’s intensely blue eyes. 

“Relax, Big Bird, I’m just tired. No drugs or anything.” He purposefully didn’t mention his maybe-cracked ribs. 

His big brother held his gaze, obviously trying to double-check Jason wasn’t lying to him before he let it go. He fell against Jason’s pillows and drew the other man closer to him. Normally, Jason would have fought having his head tugged onto Dick’s lap, but all the fight instantly left him with his brother began carding through his hair. 

“I’m not a baby,” he protested, but his words were so slurred they came out as one jumbled mess. The other man shushed him pulling gently at the white streak in his hair. 

Dick began to smooth them into place again. Jason was sure that if he opened his eyes, Dick would have that goofily, affectionate smile of his across his face. “You know, I came here to give you your manual test. But I don’t think you’ll be up for it.”

Jason gave a grunt that he hoped his brother could read as “fuck you”. An angry part of him told him that he should fight, he should push Dick away because this was a scene too close to family. But every time he even thought about moving his arms, they just seemed to grow heavier. 

Dick was already here anyway. And he was so soft, and so warm and the hand in his hair was so nice. Dick was here and had been here...

“Wait, did you watch me change?”

“Shhh, Jaybird, it’s time to go to sleep now.” 

And Jason listened to his brother and did just that. 

Jason woke up to a crash and a curse in a foreign language. His instincts blared for him to assess and attack, but he paused when he remembered it was just Dick. 

That didn’t exactly make him relax, but it also meant someone wasn’t immediately attacked him. 

He just hoped Dick hadn’t set anything on fire this time. 

There was another crash and Dick’s accented swearing increased. 

Jason half expected to start seeing smoke. 

“That better not have been my toaster!” He shouted and his voice seemed to ring through the apartment. 

Dick fell into a suspicious silence before hesitantly saying “no.”

Which almost definitely meant yes. 

At least there wasn’t smoke. 

Jason groaned, got up from bed, and went to the kitchen. He didn’t even bother putting on real clothes. 

He purposefully kept to the shadows watching for a moment before revealing himself. Dick was frantically trying to hide a broken-off piece of a toaster, speaking lowly under his breath. Tim was perched on one of Jason’s bar stools, grinning at Dick with a cup of coffee clutched to his chest. 

“He’s going to so kill you,” Tim sing-songed at the older man. 

Dick shot him a glare. “Not if he doesn’t find out.”

Ah, and that was Jason’s cue. “Find out what Dicky Bird?” he said darkly, still partially in the shadows. He smiled flashing all his teeth in a way he knew looked dangerous. It was a stance that had struck fear in the hearts of dozens of gang members, but it only made Dick try to shove the piece behind his back and Tim grin like his favourite part in the movie was coming up. 

“Nothing!” Dick yelped, edging away from the looming Jason. 

When Jason was younger, Dick had always been impossibly bigger. Someone to look up both metaphorically and literally. But Jason had grown up big and wide where Dick remained sleek, and now he had brawn he was more than willing to use against his older brother. 

Dick yelped as Jason lunged at him and he vaulted over the kitchen bar. 

“Jaybird, no.” Dick was trying to use his older brother voice but failed when Jason tried to tackle him again.

“You break my toaster. I break your arm.”

“My arm is worth more than a toaster.” Dick shot back, carefully keeping the bar counter between them. “Stop, I’ll buy you another toaster.”

Jason paused, straightening up. “I want the limo one. The one that toasts six slices at a time.” 

His brother’s face twisted. “Don’t you live alone most of the time? Why do you need six slices?”

Jason’s face hardened. “Six. Slices.” 

“Fine. Whatever. Six slices.”

Jason relaxed and let his grin become more friendly. “Cool. Now two questions: first, why were you touching my toaster in the first place? Second: why is Babybird here?” He pointed to Tim. 

The younger boy swirled his coffee in his mug. “Dick called me this morning and told me to come over.” His eyes narrowed at his older brother. “He also promised me breakfast too. But he heavily implied _Jason_ would be making it.” 

“Hey, I can do breakfast!” Dick tried to object. He bent down and back pulling out one of Jason’s pans. It swung precariously in his grip and got dangerously close to his head.

Jason grabbed it from his brother. “Give me that. You’re going to knock yourself out.”

Dickface grinned his annoying mega-watt smile and bounced on the balls of his feet. He was way too happy all the damn time. “Thanks, Jay!” he chirped, perching himself on the barstool next to Tim.

It took Jason a second to realise that he had gotten played. “You little shit…”

“Can I have an omelette?” Tim asked before Jason could finish his threat. He put the pan on the stove with a little more force than usual and ignored his big brother’s grin.

“Sure. Your usual?”

“Yep.”

“Wait,” Dick’s smile frowned and looked suspiciously between the two. “Why does Tim get a usual?”

Jason didn’t turn to look at them, but he was sure that Dick was frowning and Tim was doing his little, smartass smirk.

“Because Tim,” he said as he pulled a carton of eggs out of the fridge, “is helpful and doesn’t break into my apartment.”

Jason didn’t want to admit it, but he did have a soft spot for the kid. They had been working together for a while with Jason providing back up when needed on Tim’s solo projects and Tim ferrying info from the Batcomputer. During the hours spent together, Jason couldn’t help but like his new little brother. The twerp was good, even if he was a huge smartass. It wasn’t anyone that could basically blackmail Batman into letting him be Robin and he was a force of his own to be reckoned with.

Plus, he saw the bit of hero worship left in Tim’s eyes when he looked at Jason.

It didn’t matter that Jason had tried to kill the kid, Tim had been the first to forgive Jason for that, but when Tim looked at Jason and he still saw _Robin._

And Jason didn’t know what to do with that, but he knew it was impossible for him to keep hating the kid. He almost wished that Tim would have hated him back for what he had done. That would have, at least, made this all easier.

But this strange sort of affection, sort of anger and sort of resentment he had towards Tim… he didn’t know how to deal with that.

“Oh, omelettes sound great!” Dick practically cheered from the counter, but stopped when Jason whipped around, brandishing a spatula.

“No, you get a runny egg.”

Dick’s face fell and shattered on the floor. “But I hate runny eggs.”

“I know, but omelettes are for people who don’t break into my room to stare at me naked,” said Jason with a smirk.

Betrayal flash through Dick and Jason bit back a snicker. He hadn’t forgotten that particular detail of last night.

Tim’s eyes popped open wide and he nearly spat out his coffee. “You snuck in to see Jason naked?”

“I did not, and you know it,” Dick shot back.

“Yes, that’s exactly why you hid in my room and watched me while I changed.”

His older brother sputtered, and Tim burst into laughter. Truthfully, he didn’t really care that Dick had seen him naked if he did. Their skintight bodysuits never left much for the imagination, and it just wasn’t something he got hung up on.

“Maybe we should change your name to the Peeping Tom instead of Nightwing. I’m sure I could get a certain few social media accounts interested in the name change,” Tim needled and Dick flailed more.

Dickface was, by far, the most popular of the brothers on social media. Well, not Dick per se, more like Dick’s butt. It had accounts of its own and people were really committed to their craft.

“I was there to give Jason his Way-Fam test, not stare at him!”

Jason turned back to the stove and let his brothers continue to bicker.

He added the ingredients to the omelettes. Unconsciously, he began to customise them to each of his brother’s preferences. No mushrooms for Tim. Extra cheese for Dick. Jason didn’t even realise that he knew their preferences so well and it almost made him freeze.

It was all strangely domestic given that they spent most of their time tracking down bad guys and being vigilantes.

It was all strangely domestic given that Jason was only barely part of the family.

Behind him, Dick and Tim chattered about some movie totally comfortable in Jason’s presence even though they shouldn’t be.

They shouldn’t be… should they?

Jason shook his head and placed the omelettes on plates. He slid them in front of the respective brothers. He leaned on the counter, balancing his own plate in his hand.

“What’s a Way-Fam?”

“It’s the Wayne Family Emergency Manual, but shorter,” Dick answered while shovelling egg into his mouth. Jason gave him a look and the man snapped his jaw shut with a click, swallowing before he talked again. “I was going to give you your test yesterday, but you passed out before I could.”

Tim brightened and met Jason’s eyes. “Did you punch him?”

“Almost did,” Jason answered easily, ignoring Dickface’s confusion, “I was too tired to get a good hit in.”

“Wait, you knew he was going to try to punch me? How did you know Tim?”

Neither brother explained and Dick huffed. “I swear, I try to have nice family things and you guys go and plan to punch me.”

“It’s not like it’s that hard,” Tim said blandly as he pushed a piece of omelette around on his plate, “you can be very punchable sometimes.”

Dick chose to ignore the statement and kept barrelling on. “You’ve read your copy of the Way-Fam right? We’re going to have a test.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Yes, I read your dumb book.”

“It’s not dumb,” the other man insisted, “it’s important in the case of an emergency.”

“Sure thing, Dickie.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice. “Because we definitely need a Rick-Roll Protocol.”

“Well, when the Batcomputer gets Rick-rolled, you’ll be happy for it. Now, for your test,” Dick stood and walked over to a small bag he had put on the couch. He fished out a stack of papers and brought them to Jason.

Jason got flashbacks of tests at Gotham Academy and felt his throat dry. The papers in front of him looked exactly like a real exam, except for the words ‘Dick’s Surprise Way-Fam Mandatory Test’.

“You really weren’t kidding.”

“Nope, Jason test now, and you can’t ask Tim for help.”

He grumbled something about not needing help from the twerp and began to flip open the pages. He hummed as he went through the test, checking through true/false and multiple-choice questions. He was surprised to see most of the questions were serious, but there were definitely elements of Dick thrown in.

Examples:

Is Dick the best big brother you could hope for? True or True.

Who would win in a fight? Batman or Superman.

Fill in the blank. Who is your favourite brother? ______

Jason’s answers:

No.

Wonder Woman (Sorry, B and Clark, but she would kick their asses)

Jason Todd.

When he was done, he watched Dick immediately flip to the favourite brother question and frown.

“You can’t put yourself,” Dick whined and Jason shrugged.

“I guess I got that question wrong,” he said unemotionally, meeting his brother’s eyes with a purposefully bored expression. His big brother glared at him, and when Dick finally actually began grading the test, Jason gave Tim a wink.

The younger boy brightened and hid his smile from Dick with his coffee mug.

They sat for 10 minutes, while Dick went through the test and eventually declared that Jason had gotten a D.

It offended Jason more than he thought possible.

“What do you mean I got a D?” Jason sputtered as he looked over the test and saw he had only missed a couple of the questions. “I got at least 80% of these right.”

He glared at the paper, hoping that it might just spontaneously combust. His head shot up when he heard Dick chuckle.

Friggin’ Big Bird had that way-too-affectionate look on his face again and Jason had the urge to punch him again.

“You’re such a nerd. Yes, you passed. Don’t get your pants in a twist.”

Jason frowned, shoving the test at Dick’s chest. “Don’t ever quit your night job, because you’d be a fucking terrible teacher.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. Now, do you want to hear about the info on a new case Tim and I are working? I know you’ve been tracking some of the developing gang activity and we think there might be a connection.”

Jason stood there, physically distant from his brothers. The bar counter was between them and it was only a couple feet, but for some reason it felt like an ocean.

His brothers stood at the other side, waving him forward, asking him to cross. It would have been so easy, so so easy, but it felt important. Like Jason would be making a life-altering decision at that moment. Suddenly, he had the urge to turn and run and it was only his brothers' expectant gazes that kept his feet glued to the ground.

It was just one case, he reasoned with himself. It wasn’t like he was committing his life to them…

It was just one case.

He sighed and looked at his island that had become an ocean.

And he crossed it to come to the other side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the long-awaited second chapter of the Dildo Protocol is here! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!

# Chapter 2

Jason slipped into Tim’s apartment with the golden light of sunset at his back. It was earlier than the time he usually broke in Tim’s apartment (he didn’t know what it said about him that he had a “usual time” for breaking into his little brother’s apartment). Hopefully the earlytime B&E would help give him the element of surprise, and there was nothing better than seeing Tim’s stupid surprised face.

He silently closed the window behind him. Tim’s apartment was gilded in the early evening light, making the shining appliances and the expensive gadgets absolutely gleam. Despite the air of “executive” about it, there were still touches of his brother everywhere.

Tim was naturally messy, not a slob, but not a neat freak like Jason. He counted no less than a dozen random articles of clothing were littered around the area, stray jackets and socks left like abandoned soldiers. The open concept kitchen was easily the cleanest part of the apartment, probably more for disuse than Tim’s efforts.

It looked like a picture out of a catalogue, all except for the pictures held by magnets on the refrigerator. Jason could help quirking a smile as he saw him and his siblings reflected back to him. Some were selfies, some were candids, one was a family photo that Alfred had bullied them all into posing for.

There was one of him and Dick squeezed together with Dick looking unbelievably stupid and Jason looking completely horrified by it. Jason remembered Tim taking that picture and his subsequent threats of “your spleen won’t be the only part you’re missing when I’m done with you”.

The little shit had just laughed and ducked behind Dick, not at all intimidated by him.

He remembered how much it had struck him. It hit him like a blow to the chest that Tim wasn’t afraid of him. That he was laughing instead of screaming, as if Jason had never raised a hand against him. Which he had. Jason had beaten him, threatened him, nearly killed him before he had even gotten to know the kid.

How the hell could Tim laugh when he should be cowering away?

Didn’t he know that Jason wasn’t good anymore?

Remembering the moment had made something twist in Jason, something that he couldn’t decide if he liked or not.

It felt too much like affection, which was dangerous to feel for a family he didn’t think he’d ever truly be a part of again. He needed to rein that in before it grew. Letting it go unchecked would just make it hurt more in the end when the other shoe inevitably dropped. Sure, the Bats liked playing family with him now, but that wasn’t going to last.

Things like that never lasted.

Jason just had to be prepared for it.

 _Mission, Hood, Mission,_ he told himself as he went back to his objective. He was baby bird hunting after all.

Jason turned, searching for the familiar glow of electronics under Tim’s door… and bingo. There it was.

He carefully pushed the door open and was met with the sight of Timbo’s back, hunched over a laptop screen.

He couldn’t help himself. He smirked, noiselessly stalking closer. The kid didn’t even look up and kept tapping away, totally engrossed in whatever was on the screen. Kids and their electronics these days, so easy to target.

Jason crouched, muscles prepping, and he lunged, jumping forward with a whoop. Tim’s eyes snapped to him and widened for a second, before both of them were toppling to the ground. Jason landed hard on his shoulder, which made his entire right side ache, but it was totally worth it when he heard Tim’s yelps.

“You asshole,” Tim hissed, tiny fists hitting his back and feet kicking out wildly. Jason laughed, tightened his arms around his brother and Tim squeaked before he began jabbing a bony elbow into Jay’s side.

Now, that wouldn’t do. Jason flipped Tim under him, pinning him with his weight, which only made his little brother struggle more. “Ya’know. You really should up the security in this place. You never know what type of weirdos could wander in.”

Tim was now trying to push at Jason’s shoulder to get him off. Which was impossible given that the kid was like half his weight and like a head shorter. Plus, Jason could be extremely heavy when he wanted to be.

Tim made an exasperated ‘oof’ when Jason suddenly went boneless on him. “You. Are. Crushing. Me.” He hissed, though it sounded more like a kitten than anything threatening.

“This is my latest attempt on your life. Is it working?”

“Why are you even here?” Tim whined, and the sound all petulant little brother. He had stopped struggling, at least and clunked his head back on the floor.

Jason contemplated laying there for an hour just to annoy the baby bird more. But, fortunately, he was a saint and in a particularly merciful mood that evening, so he let his little brother escape. The kid squirmed out of his hold like a snake, scooted away from Jason before he stood with a huff.

“Aren’t you a little old to be doing things like this?” He was dusting himself off and looked affronted that Jason could have possibly wrinkled his Nightwing pyjamas (They all had a set. Dick thought it was a hilarious gift.)

“Aren’t you a little bit of a little shit?”

Tim rolled his eyes and put a hand down.

The small motion shocked Jason more than it should. It was so small, for some reason it felt important. And that made him more uncomfortable than he’d like to admit.

Tim waved his hand above Jason’s face again and he took it to haul himself up.

“You still didn’t answer my question, you know,” Tim said as he padded past Jason and sat heavily in his desk chair.

Jason perched on the side of the bed, smoothing out the crumpled blanket under him. It was snobbishly executive just like everything in this place and yet, somehow very Tim.

“I’m on a mission from Big Bird. We haven’t gotten more than a couple one-word texts on the group chat for you, and Goldie needs to know you’re not over here dying or shitting your brains out.”

“Like I would tell you even if I was sick. I don’t overshare like you and Dick.”

The vigilante shrugs from the bed, leaning back on his arms and swinging his legs casually. “Are you really siblings with someone if you haven’t discussed bodily functions?”

Tim visibly shuddered and wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I don’t think the price of brotherhood is tracking each other’s bowel movements.”

“Prude,” Jason said through a laugh and Tim’s face flickered into a small smile. “So, Timbers, what’s got you obsessed with work and not texting us more than ten letters?”

Jason fully laid back on the bed, putting his arms behind his head. He took in the rest of the room, smiling a little bit when he saw figurines of each of the members of the Batfamily in a display case in a corner. There was even a Red Hood one, brandishing a miniature gun and looking completely badass.

“I’m looking into those cases I mentioned to you last week.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “The one we talked about after Dick gave me his stupid pop quiz?”

“Yep,” Tim said, popping the ‘p’. “There’s been developments, though. Weird developments.”

Jason snorted, sitting up on the bed. “In Gotham, all developments are weird. Hell, we jump around in bird and bat themed costumes chasing after villains dressed in horribly clashing colours.”

“Okay, maybe not as weird as that, but it’s still strange.” Tim leaned back, holding out a file for Jason to take. He took it, opened it up and began to peruse the fuzzy photos that must have been captured by a security cam.

“What am I looking at?”

“Caleb Garza. I turned him into the police about a year ago when I found him trying to create a foothold in the Bowery drug trade. He was small, but seemed to be making all the right connections to become something bigger. Stephanie and I busted him, put him in jail and then forgot about him.”

Jason’s brow furrowed and he flipped through some of the photos from a year ago until he came to a mugshot. Guy looked mean, but honestly, not much different than most of the guys who stalked around Gotham’s bad end.

“But these were taken tonight.” Tim said, passing Jason two more photos. One was of Garza sitting at a prison dining table, and one was… Garza again? This time talking to a girl in an alleyway. The timestamp showed that they were taken 20 minutes apart.

“The guy has a twin?” Jason asked, looking back up to Tim who has hunched towards him. The kid made an easy shrug.

“Guess so. Or maybe a brother that looks a lot like him. Whoever, he was he’s taking up the family mantle and he’s a lot better at it. Seems to be getting into trafficking too.”

Fury lit in Jason’s stomach. “Human?”

Thankfully, Tim shook his head. “No, weapons and dangerous materials, I think. I’m still pinning it down.”

Jason looked back down to photos, taking in how eerily similar both of the guys looked. If it wasn’t for the timestamp in the corner, Jason would have been convinced that they were the same people.

He didn’t like this.

Weapons trafficking and drugs weren’t anything new for them. Hell, he would even call them commonplace in terms of what they usually dealt with. But something was nagging him like an instinct was telling him to look again.

He probably wasn’t alone in that either. There were signs of exhaustion all over Tim’s face, telling Jason that the kid had been on this case more than he usually would be. The twerp was a workaholic, sure, but even he knew when to prioritise. If a drug and weapons case was keeping him up this much, then it was a sign he thought something bigger was going on too.

A familiar twist of foreboding settled in Jason’s stomach.

No. He didn’t like this at all.

“You did good, kid,” Jason said, closing the file and handing it gingerly off to his brother. Tim took it and filed it away. “You need me to do anything for you? Or do you have the rest of the Bats on it?”

Tim worried his lip before shaking his head. “No, only you and Dick know, and I’m pretty sure Dick’s forgotten already. I’m still tracking and getting intel, but I’ll let you know.”

Jason didn’t like the hesitation there.

“Hey,” he said gruffly and the tone made Tim’s back straighten. “Don’t you dare try to bust it without back-up. If you’re going in, give me a call. The Bowery is my terf and I’m not going to have any baby birds breaking their wings in my streets.”

Tim was silent, gazing at Jason with an unreadable look that made him want to squirm. The kid could be freakily unnerving when he wanted to. And then, after a moment, the look was gone and Tim’s expression settled into something more normal.

Even though, it bordered too much on fondness for Jason’s liking.

Damn brothers and all their damn sentiments.

“Thanks Jay,” he said softly, giving him a warm smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. But that’s only because B would be riding my ass if I let my replacement get hurt.”

Tim’s smile became more exasperated. “Sure, of course. That’s the only reason why.”

“Hell yeah it is,” Jason snapped.

Tim let the argument go, but Jason didn’t feel like he was the one who had won.

The kid turned back to his desk, eyes flashing to the clock on his laptop screen. His eyes instantly widened, and he was scrambling up from the desk chair.

“Shit. I was supposed to leave for the Manor fifteen minutes ago,” he yelped as he flitted around the room and shoved a boot on his foot. Jason watched placidly from the bed as the kid frantically tried to put himself together.

“That’s right. It’s Thursday, isn’t it? Family dinner night.”

“Yes, and I missed last week, so Alfred would literally skin me if I didn’t come.” Tim ran out of the room and into the living room, where he began searching for his wallet.

Jason snorted, getting up from the bed and following him languidly. He took a few moments to watch the baby bird’s erratic flight, before beginning to head to the window.

“Well, I’ll just get out of your hair then. See you sometime, Replacement, don’t forget to call.”

Tim froze in his motion of shoving a coat on. He caught Jason with a look that very nearly sent him running.

“You can come, you know. It would be nice for everyone to see you.”

Jason was already shaking his head by the time Tim finished his sentence.

“I can’t come. I wasn’t invited,” he huffed, ready to bolt to the window and only held back by Tim’s sharp gaze.

The kid rolled his eyes so hard that they risked getting stuck back in his head.

“You’re family. You don’t need to be invited.” Tim didn’t call him an “idiot” at the end of that sentence, but the word as heavily implied. He stood confidently with his arms crossed on his chest, and precocious tilt to his head. He seemed so sure of the statement. As if it was the easiest thing in the world.

It couldn’t be that easy, though?

Things were never that easy for Jason.

“I can’t just show up out of the blue, Timmy. That’s rude and Alfred wasn’t planning on me coming. What if he doesn’t have enough food for everyone? I’m not going to burst in and steal dinner off of someone else’s place.”

As he spoke, he realised that the argument sounded weak even to his ears. But his pride wouldn’t let him give it up.

Sure enough, Tim gave him a flat look that looked utterly done.

“Jason,” he said his name like he was talking to a small child. It made a bit of anger flare up, but mostly embarrassment. “We both know that Alfred _always_ makes more than enough food. Anyways, do you really think he would turn you away because of that?”

No. Jason knew that Alfred would never in a million years. He felt his resolve beginning to crack and fought not to show it on his face.

Timothy was a keen man, though, and trained by the world’s greatest detective. He caught Jason’s flash of hesitance, and immediately doubled down with puppy eyes in full force.

Oh fuck, how the hell did Tim get his eyes to look so big.

“Please Jason. Alfred will be less mad at me if I bring a souvenir. He might even forget that I was late.”

Jason scrunched his face. “You did not just call me a souvenir.”

Tim continued on, eyes practically sparkling now. Jason had a sneaking suspicion that their oldest brother taught him that. “Dick will be there. He’s coming in from Bludhaven and I’m sure he would love to see you.”

“Is that supposed to get me to want to come? Being hugged to death by Dickface’s octopus arms?”

Despite his words, though, his resolve was slipping more, and his stomach was flipping uncomfortably. It was all warm and tingly and happily betraying him. Tim was looking at him expectantly and he shook his head in one last denial.

“I don’t want to bother Alfred.”

It was weak. They both knew it. Although, it still held some truth because he really didn’t want to step on the toes of the man he considered a grandfather.

“Come on, Jay, even you have to know this is one of the lamest arguments you’ve ever made. You can’t seriously think I’m going to tell Alfred you couldn’t come because we didn’t have enough place settings?”

Tim cocked a hip and raised an expectant eyebrow.

Finally, Jason sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t know how Tim always managed to talk him into these terrible situations. “Fine, whatever, I’ll come. But it’s your fault if Alfred gets huffy about it.”

They both knew that Alfred would like nothing more than for Jason to come to dinner every night, but Tim had enough grace not to mention it.

Instead, the little shit grinned in victory, practically shoving it in Jason’s face that he won without saying any words.

Jason scowled and silently stalked to the front door, aggressively ruffling Tim’s hair as he passed the kid. He got a satisfying squawk out of the boy for his troubles and smiled to himself as they went to the elevator.

They were mostly silent as they went to the Manor. Jason drove (Tim drove like he was trying to make a get-away from Hell and took traffic lights as ‘suggestions’) and _safely_ got them to the Manor.

He ignored all of Tim’s complaints that he drove like a grandma. He had been dead once, and he wasn’t going to die again because of a baby bird’s insane driving ideas.

“Now we’re even later,” Tim said under his breath as he hopped up the front steps. He shivered despite his coat and his breath puffed in a white cloud around his head. His nose was reddened in a way that Jason definitely wouldn’t describe as cute. He wasn’t Dick, after all.

“I wasn’t even supposed to be here,” Jason said, reaching around Tim to ring the doorbell. The sound echoed behind the closed door and made Jason’s heart ache. How the hell was he homesick for a place that he wasn’t even sure he was allowed to call a home?

The heavy door yawned open, revealing a disgruntled looked Alfred.

“Master Timothy, I do hope that you have a satisfying explanation to why you are forty minutes…” Alfred trailed off as his eyes caught on Jason standing beside Tim. He blinked and within a second, he had straightened his spine and was greeting Jason with a warm smile.

“Sorry, Alfred,” Tim apologised, “I had to pick up a package on the way here.”

The butler’s eyes flicked between them, obviously caught between admonishing Tim and welcoming Jason. He sighed, and his face melted into affection before ushering them both inside.

“I suppose we can look over your tardiness just this once. However, next time please do call. I’ve barely been able to keep Master Dick from initiating a search party.”

“Alright, I will.” Tim assured, before wandering into the house. He headed towards the kitchen and disappeared as he turned a corner.

Jason hesitated, standing with Alfred in the main hall. He stared down at his shoes, suddenly unsure about going any further into the house.

“I’m sorry for crashing the party,” he said, hating the way his voice wavered without his permission. “I can leave if I’m too much trouble.”

Alfred hummed, taking Jason’s coat and putting it in the coatroom. “My dear boy, you are trouble.” His eyes flashed with humour. “But you are never an inconvenience.”

Alfred met his eyes with such a warm and fierce earnestness that all the arguments rising in Jason’s throat died. He knew that it wasn’t completely true. He made everyone’s lives more complicated around him, he couldn’t quite bring himself to voice it.

Not with Alfred looking at him like he was the entire universe and there was no one else in the world he'd rather be with.

He knew it wasn’t true, but the young, part of himself held himself from saying it.

“Now,” Alfred’s voice cut through his thoughts and grounded him back in the Manor. “Let’s go to the dining room before the rest of the family stages a revolt.”

Suddenly, he had the urge to run and was only held down by Alfie’s stare. He didn’t say anything as the butler guided him into the dining room.

He was instantly met with a babble of voices, the familiar tones cascading over each other. The most immediate and loudest voice was Dick’s practically yelling over everyone else’s.

“I swear I was about to start eating my own napkin if you took any longer.”

Jason laughed, stepping into the room and watching as all the eyes instantly snapped on to him. Tim apparently hadn’t told them about why he was late, because Jason watched all of their faces shift into surprise.

Well, except for Tim, who was smiling smugly to himself. Asshole.

Dick was the first to recover and instantly launched himself at Jason. They collided together in an ‘oomf’ and Jason found himself being squeezed by one of Dick’s all-encompassing hugs.

“Little Wing!” he cheered, pulling back to flash a mega-watt smile. “You’re here.”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Jason said while beginning to push Dick away. “Baby Bird threatened me to come. It was extortion.”

It was, but Jason really couldn’t find it in himself to get angry about it. Not with Dick smiling so broadly at his presence. Not with Steph kicking him under the table and pretending she wasn’t doing it. Not with Bruce smiling from the other end of the long table, looking completely content with his family around him.

It was a pretty scene. Too good to be true. But Jason couldn’t bring himself to think about it right now.

For was this once, he allowed himself to indulge and seamlessly fit himself into the comforting chaos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly fluff with some rumblings of plot in the background. Regardless, it was fun to write and I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment! Flattery gets you everywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> You can visit my tumblr at [ SalParadiseLost ](https://salparadiselost.tumblr.com) where I post tumblr things and general writing musings.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed it! Please leave a kudos and comment if you really enjoyed it! Flattery gets you everywhere.


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